Savior, my beloved horse, it is almost one year since you crossed over. I have grieved you despite my knowing, the knowing that separation is an illusion, the knowing that I have feel you, and that you live in my heart, and all the same the tears flow.
In the beginning I glimpsed your spirit in the breezeway of the stable, and I felt assured, and wondered if you stayed for me, all the while I know you did. Before we said goodbye you communicated that you “knew” what was coming, and that you would have stayed for me despite your suffering, something that touched me deeply, acknowledging our bond. As I faced the decision, to let you go I struggled until in that moment I knew the choice was clear. It was afterwards my mind and heart questioned, even knowing I could not let you suffer a moment longer, as I trusted the love and connection we developed over the years.
You changed me, became my family, added to me, taught me how to listen, communicate. I have never known a kinder animal, and I felt secure with you. Together we learned one another as neither of us had ever experienced a relationship as this. I began to understand how respect translates, boundaries, safety, connection, power and unconditional love. You are brave and strong and accepted every thing that came on our path without complaint.
Your former job caused damage to your body, and our primary focus was on the healing, and I learned to stay in the moment with whatever challenge we faced. You comforted me when Joe was sick, and told me before we knew that he had cancer.
After you left there was a huge space left, and I knew you gave me the gift of release, something we both were ready for, to be free, as we had done all that we could together, and it was time to move to the next steps of our journey.
I hear your voice in my mind, and find joy in how your lips would reach for the carrots I fed you, and whinnied as you watched me fix the bucket of mash you lived for. I have so much to smile about that my tears are now turning to the joy of knowing you will always be with me as the love we share is eternal and the work still continues as we are one!
May 28, 1994-November 1, 2016